So started off this morning with walking the dog (actually I started off the morning with quite a big poo, but that’s may be a bit too graphic). It rained, it was miserable. Did the shopping. Jamie failed to get me his shopping list by the deadline so he has nothing.

Then I went over mothers as she wanted to get a new washing machine. We went to a place on Gloucester road, they had washing machines. There was also a very annoying young girl there, she must have been about 8, she was going up and down all the machines and opening everything and slamming it shut. I wanted to just beat her to a pulp, then find her parent(s) and beat them to a pulp, they of course weren’t around as they were probably arranging some crack cocaine deal or buying an expensive tea-pot. Mother told her that’ll she’ll break something in a minute, I just glared at her until she looked scared shitless. She’ll have nightmares about that until she’s about 45 and even then she’ll think twice about ever closing a washing machine door. We failed to buy one there. We moved on….to Comet, which was of course closing down. They had stack loads of washing machines at silly 30% off prices, there was a half reasonable one for £180 rather than £300. They would bung it in the car for you. All she had to arrange was getting it out of car and moving in house, now half of the heavy handed brigade was already there. But oh no, rather than save about £150 she just stood there and moaned about how problematic it all would be and that it would have to be plumbed in, and it’s cold fill only and her old pipe might leak….at this point I just walked out. Then on to Curry’s. Where we found a washing machine, amongst about 700 washing machines. They all looked pretty much the same to me. You bung stuff in, add stuff in various drawers, leave it for 3 hours to talk to itself and then remove all the stuff which is now just as dirty as it went in, but smells a bit less like dog. She bought the machine, it’s being delivered next Sunday, they will install it and remove the old one. She will no doubt poor the bastard who delivers it with “I’ve had a Hoover for ten years and never had a problem with it.” By this time the fitter will be diving into his tool box to get a wrench to remove his own kidneys to protect his dignity from listening to so much anal drivel.

I fixed her fucking curtain rail.

Came back, did the accounts. Looked at various Christmas present lists, decided I have no money so didn’t buy anything. Tomorrow I have a fun day of unblocking drains and adding boiler wiring. I may have to reach for that wrench myself. Tonight I’m cooking chicken garlic chilli masala, I need to build up a bit of internal power for the drain cleaning. Nothing like being up to your armpits in the contents of your own intestines, unless you are into self fisting of course.