This morning I woke, which is quite a good thing I suppose, I’m sure there were quite a few people this morning whole failed at this feat.

I went back to sleep, and woke again at a sensible time. I walked over to breakfast, I couldn’t face the bloody awful coffee again so went for tea. Had cereal. Ate croissants. Walked back to room, on the way found two very scantily clad boys, so found a good hiding spot and took photographs. Place towels on sun-beds. Went back to room, change. Came out with Jamie, moved towels on to different sun-beds as the first lot weren’t approved. I then finished off Clarkson. I tried to get into ‘Air law’ but I fell asleep.

We had lunch at the bar, I had pizza, Jamie had pizza. We then went back to the sun-beds where I failed to make any ingress with ‘Air law’ and fell asleep again. At about 4:30 it had clouded over so we decided to go back to the room, Jamie had a bath and I fell asleep. I then had a bath I fell asleep in followed by a shower (which I didn’t). We never had sex, which made quite a nice change, my bits can heal.

We headed out for dinner earlier tonight so we could get a table outside as inside it’s just frighteningly hot. I couldn’t decided on roasted chicken or grilled sea-bass, so I had both. It was very good.

We then went back to the room for a poo. After we ventured out for the show which was ‘Grease’ performed by the entertainment team again. To be honest they put on a bloody good show, they are all professional dancers by far, yet during the day these are the same annoying people who no doubt want you to play water polo. By god have they got some fit bodies, stomach muscles yes all over, but one guy had more definition on his back than most models on their fronts. It’s all badly lip-synced of course as they are all Turkish and ‘Grease’ is very much American, well Sandy is Australian. Which brings us back to the name of the place again ‘Xanadu’, Bloody Olivia Newton John, she’s only been in two things and this hotel has managed both.

So once again, Jamie sat beside me on a sun-bed and played with his phone listening to ‘Willam’ some weird drag queen act. So would I replace him with someone else? Juxtaposition time….today I pick…mmm…how about Margaret Thatcher?

So I get the old dead up in the morning and bring her to a sun bed and place her down.

“I’m not keen on these people after I had to blow up the ‘General Belgrano'”

“That was the Argentinions.”

“Aren’t they Turkish?”

“No.”

“Well I was a little bit insane about 40 years ago.”

“So you are saying you were insane before you entered government?”

“Look young man you our having a pretend conversation with a dead women and you are questioning my sanity?”

She’s got a fair point. Don’t know who it will be tomorrow. Anyway, time to hit the bar.

I woke up at about 9:30 decided it was far too early to be awake so went back to sleep. I woke again at about 10:30 which was an ideal time to sample breakfast. I found the cereal the croissants and the coffee machine. It still produced something resembling tarmac, it’s still sitting heavy on my stomach twelve hours later.

Picked up a couple of towels, did the German thing and put them on a couple of sunbeds. Went back to our room, woke Jamie up then ventured to the kiddie pool, no particular reason other than it was a) empty and b) had no kiddies. There is a main pool as well, but there would be likely the dreaded animation team. If I wanted to have fun I wouldn’t have come here, I don’t want to play football with a Belgian who will probably stop halfway through and get cards out. I have no desire to play a pool game with three fat Muscovite shot putters.

I got a beer in and then sat there, reading a book. Until it was time to get another beer in and sit there. At lunch time we walked from one side of the pool to the other and ordered lunch at the bar. I had pizza, Jamie had chicken nuggets. More beer was drunk. We returned to the pool side. I read more and continued to drink beer. At six it was time to go in. The mini bar had still not been refilled.

All this entire time Jamie had sat beside me not really saying a word, he played with his phone and probably listened to something ghastly. Did I like this? Well what would I prefer? Lets just try a little juxtaposition here and replace Jamie with someone else…..Dillon Samuels, nah wouldn’t work, okay how about my mother. Let’s take it back to the beginning, I got up, she would have got up four hours earlier to start the work on her face. I would have gone to breakfast and come back to find her creaking getting off the bed. She would then mention that her knee was stuck, probably somewhere in Bristol and that she never had this problem last week. Look at her ankle, it’s twice the size of the other two. She would become vertical, although you couldn’t really tell, then hobble into the lift carrying a bag weighing approximately two tons. We’d meander to the sun bed, before we got there of course she would decide she needed a pee, although she only left the room 45 seconds ago. “I couldn’t get the tap to work.”, but that’s okay because inside her magic bag she would have a bag of wet-wipes a sink and Wessex Water. She would collapse on the sun bed, stating that she would never be able to get up again. She’d get a book out, probably ’50 shades of grey’ or some other god awful tome. “You really should read this Tim it’s got a queer in it” For the same reason I don’t really like fucking Elton John, I don’t really like his music (and I don’t mean I want to fuck EJ, David Furnish may have issues, do you think Elton is a top or a bottom?) I’m going off track. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I spend all day eating quiche and listenting to show tunes, I like heavy house, techno, dub step as well show tunes. Anyway back to the sun bed. Three pages would be read, then I’d get the “I need a drink” request, I’ll ask “What do you want?”, to which I’ll always get the reply, “Well what are you having?”. Now considering it’s only about 11AM I’ll probably stay off the hard stuff and just stick to the beer. It must be stated that Effes beer is rather weak, you could drink it solidly all day then drive home without worrying a breathaliser. So anyway she’d go for a lager top, or a shandy as it’s better known, and I’m the gay one. I would get beer and said puff drink. I’d then settle down to my heavy intellectual reading, which currently is either Jeremey Clarkson or Aviation Law. I’d manage three pages before the shandy had gone to her head but more importantly it would have gone to her bladder. So she would have to be air lifted off the sun bed and would hobble away to the bog. “I couldn’t get the tap to work.” We’ve been here before. Several more pages would have beed consumed before you would get the inevitable, “You see that lady over there, the one in the blue dust sheet. That’s Kim & Co.” I’d die with the excitement. “Aren’t all these hedges nice, before I came out I trimmed all my bushes, I had everything on charge for three weeks, I used more power than Jodrell Bank.” Then you would try and start a conversation, “Do you know the front of a Rover 200 looks like a snatch, didn’t you used to have one of those?”
“Patrick came up the other day and tightened the wires up again, he reckons the wall has come all the way back now…..oww my toe.” Another couple of minutes would pass. “So what are we doing this afternoon then?”
“Exactly what we are doing now.”
“So when do you go shopping?”
“You don’t.”
“Oh my poor knee is swollen again.” So am I pleased that Jamie just sits there and twiddles with his phone? Yeah, I’m kinda quite happy with that.

I had a shower. Got out and Jamie was gagging for sex again, dressed in a rather fun jock strap. I made him go on top, which meant that I could have a rest and he’d have to do all the work. After he was covered in sweat and got me as excited as a visit to an accountant I flipped him over and showed him how it should be done. We got changed and went to dinner. I was still somewhat stuffed from lunchtime so took it easy and only had three main dishes. I also had a cup of tea. Went back to the room and changed into something less sweaty. Now sat in the upstairs bar overlooking the bay. There is a musical girl singing type act going on in the bar below, I said to Jamie “It’s all a bit low tempo”, to which he shot back with, “It’s lounge music not a rave.” He did have a bit of a point.

Tomorrow will probably be a bit of a repeat of today. More reading, more beer and probably more sex.

So today started in the afternoon, well actually I got up t 6AM wondered well the hell I was and wondered if the dogs needed letting out. After reality struck I went for a pee then went back to bed.

As I hadn’t slept for about 48 hours I finally woke up at 12:45, too late for breakfast, but late enough for lunch. So we washed and put on something appropriate then headed to the restaurant. Now I’ve never really found lunchtime menus to be appealing, but I was in for a bit of a surprise. I managed to find clay baked seabass, this together with a portion of rice made a really nice lunchtime meal. It was accompanied by two cups of coffee, which can best be described as molton tar and therefore best forgotton. We retired back to the room and changed into our beach wear. We decided to head to the childrens pool, as it contained no children, it also contained very little else, no bloody euro-pop and no bloody annoying animation team. All there was was a selection of baggy skinned German’s and one rather fit one.

Towels were obtained and I decended into 150 pages of Clarkson. It’s easy reading, it’s in big type and contains no words longer than eight letters. The afternoon went through nicely, had a couple of beers, a couple of oggles at fit Germans but mainly just lieing in the sun and reading, very relaxing. I ‘forgot’ about the meeting with the rep from the transport company.

One thing I admired, there was an old German man, in a very large pair of Speedos. He was bold, with a gut the size of Alaska with saggy skin. But he just walked around quite proud and happy with the way he was. I thought I’d be quite happy if I reached that age and could wear and be relaxed in Speedo’s, but just not be German.

We retired to the room at just after six. I took some photo’s and read a magazine. I went for a poo, which was successful, it was the first one I’d had in a couple of days. This is what happens when yoy don’t eat enough salad. Then the phone rang. The bloke we managed to miss earlier had finally cought up with us. We were due to have sex, but this was now interrupted by a greasy Turk in reception.

He got his maps out, he got his speal out. He banged on about how for only £15 each we would be picked up and transported to Gumbet and have a great night out and go to some clubs and transported home. He asked if we were friends, I said we were married. He then said he would take us to the greatest gay club in Gumbet. Now I’ve been on these things before, it all sounds rosey, but here is the reality. You will be picked up half an hour late by a disgruntled coach driver who can’t be arsed to acknowledge you as he’s too busy on his mobile. You will be crammed in with forty other people, usually all aged about twelve who have been sold the same concept. You’ll eventually be shipped to some tacky restaurant in the middle of Gumbet, who’s best advertisment is that they serve ‘real HP sauce’. You will be served something that once resembled chicken. It will then be explained to you that the ‘all inclusive alcohol’ actually means half a glass of diluted wine. You will then be dragged round various tacky bars, which force feed you raw meths. Eventually at the end of the evening when you are bored shitless you will be forced on to the same coach again, where the driver still on a mobile is shouting at his wife after consuming half a bottle of scotch. He will then drive erratically round very steep turns while complaining about how all the bloody English just vomit everywhere. Then ‘Sharon’ from Essex will suddenly demand he stops as she needs to pee. She will get off the coach escorted by ‘Tracey’ and find a bush. Unfortunetley this will be next to a cliff top. ‘Sharon’ will then trip over her own 14 inch stilleto heel and break her ankle. The next four hours will involve the coach driver trying to arrange an ambulance while the rest of the coach slowly gets covered in piss and vomit.

We didn’t take the trip. But we did thank Mr Turk for his persistence and give him 40 Lira for his troubles (about £12), I think he’d earnt it. Then he said, ‘Hey do you two like to play around? I can get you on a great bumming boat.’, Now I must admit I was quite tempted by this. Jamie was giving me the evils, but I don’t think monogamy is all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t mind putting my thing anywhere for a bit of fun, I don’t want a relationship with you, I don’t want to here your life story, but do bend over as I think your cute. But I must be resigned to the fact that like I’m never going to be an astronaut or a lesbien, this is never going to happen.

We retired back to the room and had sex. While I thought about what could have been…..I had a shower. We then went to dinner. All the outside tables were taken, so we ended up inside and boy was it hot and stuffy. But we were near the food. This hotel by far has the smallest buffet, but probably by far the best quality of food. I ordered a bottle of white wine, a single glass turned up. I moaned and eventually she brought another glass and just left the bottle. It wasn’t bad local plonk, I finished it off in about ten minutes. Food tonight was great, I didn’t have a starter I just went for two mains. I had Japanese steak, two chinese dishes and rice. It was lovely. Then afterwards I had Turkish flatbread and chips, which was also great. I really do have no complaints about the food here.

After dinner we went to the ampitheatre where there was a ‘musical’ show. Which was basically the animation team (which thankfully hadn’t made an appearance all day) acting out various musical numbers. Now call me an old queen but I realy enjoyed it, I was tapping my foot and clapping along, I was alone. It wasn’t a massive audience, probably about a hundred people, but I think there was only about ten with functioning limbs. They did a good job, put on a fun show. And at the end of it they performed ‘Xanadu’ by ONJ together with a whole set of dance moves (the fit German bloke knew them all). We then went back to the room and changed into something less sweaty. We are now at the bar, it’s rained a little bit but it’s still bloody warm. Now drinking beer and cocktails.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings, more Clarkson I expect, a shame when I’d really like the sound of that ‘bumming boat party’.

This mornining started from the end of last night. We went to bed at about one thity after consuming fish. Nothing wrong with that except we had to beup at four. So we spent the next twenty minutes bumming, it was actually quite nice to go at it without a canine audience. I then spent the next three hours not sleeping, Jamie was happily snoring away. So the alarm went off at 4AM. We piled into the car and drove to Bristol airport. We were then confronted with a queue 3 miles long for the EasyJet bacg drop, thankfully it all moved pretty quickly.

We went through security and picked up some smellys in the duty free. Flight was a bit bumpy but otherwise uneventful. The transfer was just over an hour. We were on a bus with eight other people, to be quite frank if I stayed in any of the hotels it stopped at I would be suicidal, I’d seen more welcoming travel lodges. Thankfully when we came up to ours it was on it’s own Island, with a private causeway. Checkin was brisk but courtious. We had a welcome cocktail, an upgrade and a blokie take ho drove us to our room angling for a tip (he didn’t get one).

Room, well what can I say, we pretty much lucked out on this one. We have a full see view, from the end of the king size four poster bed. We also has a full sea view from the jacuzzi bath and the balcony which is in a seperate lounge. We have a walk in closet, if you wanted to come out of it, this would be the perfect one to choose.

I unpacked, then I put far too much bubble bath in the jacuzzi, set the motors on. It was rather loud but also rather fun. There was more foam than a DFS sofa. I got in the bath and opened a beer while looking out into the sea. I called Jamieover who then woke up and joined me. He then started massaging me for about half an hour and managed to produce a prize winning hard-on (me not him). I then bent him over the bath and bummed him senseless. I then used the rather impressive shower that had a head about the same size as mine. We had a little kip for an hour and then tarted up for dinner. Well I put on a clean t-shirt and Jamie got the latest outfit from the ‘one-direction’ selection on. We then vebtured through the maze of alleyways and found the restaurant. To say it was a bit empty was an understatement, no wonder we got a room upgrade. Wine was served by the glass which was somewhat a dissapointment. I will need to have words about that tomorrow. First course wasn’t good, I had cold chips and even colder pasta. Still second time round we found the grilled section and I had some lovely seabass and a chicken kebab. Followed by some rather sweet puddings, mind you it was quite difficult to find one which wasn’t doused in coconut. We then found a bar which is where I’m at now. There don’t seem to be many people here which is good, there don’t seem to be any kids which is better. There are a bunch of fairly fit Germans, but the jury is out on those until I see them in their swimwear collection. I do have a gut sat on the table behind who is trying to break some sort of sneezing world record. And he’s drinking coffee, he has this all wrong. Jamie is drinking some blue cocktail, I’m sticking to the beer. I haven’t slept in 48 hours, been forced to have sex three times and Mr. nose is going full force behind me. The clientell does seem somewhat posh, I’m yet to meet a Sharon from Essex or any one from Wales. I’m now descending into my beer googles and probably going for an early night. Jury is still out on the hotel, will have to sample the breakfast, the sun beds and the Germans. First impressions are pretty good, but if the guy behind me doesn’t shut up, I’m going to jam a wine bottle up hid nose.

So this morning started with Jamie going to work, Dillon taking his place on the bed and Sasha snoring. I got everyone up and made breakfast. After cruising porn it was time to take them for a walk, so we went to the field. Came back and then went to Tesco’s to pick up some Euro and Lira. God knows what they take at the moment they are never quite sure.

Then it was time to pack the dogs off to the kennels, they seemed reasonably happy, although Sasha was jumping eight foot in the air and then landing on top of Dillon. When I left Dillon was explaining to a dog stood outside his kennel that he was either planning on eating him or shagging him, not sure, but a lot of barking. They will be fine.

Walked into town, picked up some new flip-flops and a couple of t-shirts, so I can have something without dog hair on it. Came back, did the accounts, sowed buttons on Jamie fat bastards trousers and started packing. I have three t-shirts and two pairs of shorts. Jamie is now sorting through all his shoes and ‘formal wear’, bloody poof.

I spent the early evening hovering and washing the floor. I thought it would be nice to come back to a dog hair free zone rather than a shit hole, even if it is for only one day.

Early start tomorrow. Next entry will be from Turkey.

Work was fairly dull today after yesterdays rather productive day. It was mainly about fixing data builds, the dull side. I did get to have a play around with some performance and analysis tools in the afternoon though.

It rained rather a lot.

Shopping arrived, basically lots of chocolate biscuits for the holiday. Went to pump. Got the suitcase down from the loft. Tomorrow I may think about packing, which would probably be quite wise. But tonight I have a bath, in the joyous knowledge that there is no work for a week. On the downside it does mean I have to spend more time with Jamie, but I do have limitless alcohol and plenty of books.

Work was all about fibers. Now I have a problem with fibers, unless you have a hardware device that can block I just cannot see the point in them. You have a thread that is pre-emptive, but fibers are cooperative, in other words a bit bloody useless. On a PSU they made sense as you can block on SPU, but on other platforms….nah, just can’t see the point. You can always write the code in a cooperative way without buggering about switching contexts.

Took Sasha to daycare, we were there at 6:30 due to Jamie smashing me in the head with his elbow at 6:00.

Spent all day working basically, went for a quick run in the evening, it was raining, then had a bath.

Now sat down watching a Zac Efron film, which I’ll no doubt fall asleep through.

Work was long and quite dull, but almost getting to the fun bits. All I seem to do these days is annoy people from the Czech Republic, not intentional.

Didn’t walk the dogs as it wasn’t my day.

Started reading the aviation law and meteorology book. The highway code is about what fifty pages, this book is about three hundred and reads like a phone book. It’s quite dull to say the least. Okay, it’s all fairly important stuff I need to learn as I will have to take an exam on it. But every country has slightly different rules just to confuse things and that includes England and Scotland. It’s quite interesting in a couple of places though, did you know that if you are on a collision course with a plane you always turn to the right…Still it will make some quite mundane holiday reading.

Went for a run. Did another half hours flying on the simulator, it’s all coming to me quite naturally now, I think I crashed about three times in half an hour and that was just because I was testing the limits. The first time I flew it I think I crashed about every five seconds.

Started fairly much on time and got stuck straight in. Messages and issue came flooding in thick and fast. Slowly got on top of everything. Still trying to get everything to build for my platform, now have 116 files modified just to make it compile, more testing me thinks before committing that lot.

Walked the dogs, weather was a bit shite today, but was sunny when we went out.

Went to combat, followed by two home checks over at Servern Beach, which is almost in Wales. Still both done, all fine. Came back and did some more work. I’m now knackered, haven’t eaten yet and Jamie is demanding sex. It’s going to be a tiring night.