I ended up watching a programme last night with Bill Oddie in it. I thought he was an irritating old git before, but this only compounded matters. I felt if I ever met him in real life that I’d just punch him for being annoying and that would be that.

Then I was rudely awaken by the doorbell, it was a man offering to fix the door for three grand. He was standing there with a large plank of wood. The glass to the left of the door was completely missing. I assumed someone had tried to break in. He said he’d be happy to fix it and was ‘just passing’. I asked how. He said he’d use a few thousand of those bolt catch end plate things (you know the ones you get on bathroom locks). I thought this was bodging it a bit. I asked Jamie if this guy was for real. He said he was the guy off all those daytime DIY programmes. I said that I could get a whole new door complex for three grand and told him to piss off.

I went back to sleep.