So yesterday we wondered into town, I bought a new jumper from SuperDry, did okay on it, label said seventy-five, I paid fifty, no idea why. We spent the evening with my sister and brother-in-law. Low key affair in a fairly quiet pub. We had nice food and saw the new year in fairly sedately, but to be honest, no one was really up for a balls out party, so it was exactly what was required. We did make some interesting plans though….as Jamie is going to Orlando with his sister, I plan on going to Ibiza with mine. It’s still in the planning stages yet, we both need to work out dates. But it will be nice to go there again (okay, I didn’t quite make it to that part of Spain in my youth, but came fairly close). I think the days (or even nights) of spending seven of them in some super-club are well over, but I think we could manage one and then visit some of the legendary bars along the strip. It would also be nice to hire a car and do a bit of exploring. As I said, still in the planning stage and we need to sort the logistics, but it’s certainly something I want to do before I die (at current rate that’s about October).

Started this morning fairly late, Jamie was snoring his head off well past midday, I was reading a good book since 9AM. But when he did finally open his eyes we started the new year off with a big bang. That’s January’s quota fulfilled. I then started on the joy which was my tax return. Spent two hours ‘gathering data’, then had a very late lunch. Spent the next hour actually filing the thing. They owe me over three grand. Then did all the other filing and sorted out the filing cabinets. Did the end of year accounts. Decided that I’m still unable to retire.

The weather today has been awful, cold and wet. I walked Sasha around the block, but she was happy to come home, jump on Jamie’s couch and go back to sleep. Tomorrow it’s due to be brighter. I have the day off as it’s a Bank holiday. No real plans. Tidy up the office and put the vacuum round it I think. I’ve already got the new wall planner up.

I don’t do resolutions or any crap like that, but lets have some fun and hopefully make it to 2018. If not, then I’ll just say,’It’s been enjoyable in parts.’

Depression is a weird thing. You can have an enormous amount of money, a property portfolio, a good job, a pilots license, a dick the size of a horse and family and friends that love you (some of those things may be inaccurate), but you still want to get up (okay, if you get that far) and jump under a bus. It’s very much time for a new adventure, I never wanted to be a computer programmer, I wanted to be a lumberjack, swinging from tree to tree.

Oh and welcome to 2017.

Had some weird dream this morning, can’t honestly remember what the hell it was about. Got up early as the Tesco delivery decided to be super efficient and arrive ten minutes early. I had a whole stack load of stuff to do today. Started with breakfast and coffee which I cut to a few minutes. Then it was on to transferring the Chenin Blanc and then bottling it, then transferring the Voigner and bottling that. Then getting the Pinot on, all in all, took four hours. Had lunch. Walked Sasha. It was now very dark. Sat down with a coffee and watched the second part of that Agatha Christie drama, it was very good. Tidied up the office a bit. Completely failed to get anywhere on my tax return. So sort of failed the day and finished it about five hours behind schedule. Fuck it, they can refund me three grand a day later.

This morning started rather strangely. I couldn’t work out if I was dead, in the process of dying or just trying to exit. I was being attacked by demons, and by demons I don’t mean things with horns, I mean past memories and people. It was a bit of a ‘null’ state where fate would take it’s course and there was no escaping. I couldn’t exactly blame it on too much drink or drugs as when we returned last night we had a nice bath and watched telly in bed for a couple of hours. I had a couple of small glasses of wine and some nibbles. It was probably the cheese that did it. I was brought back to reality (even though I’m not sure what the hell that is these days) by the doorbell ringing and Sasha going apeshit. I woke up suddenly in a very cold sweat with my heart pounding. I answered the door to a courier delivering shoes. Never was I so happy to be expanding my shoe collection. I think I was destined for a bit of a heart attack and a rather undignified exit – I never had clean pants on.

God I hat this time of year. It’s the biggest lull I get into. Then I’m a bloody fool who then invites his mother round to dinner when she is one of the key causes. If she’d perhaps paid a bit more attention at the time, then maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with the demons. It’s odd. Had this conversation with Jamie the other day about the ‘statute of limitations’, which this country doesn’t have, but America does. Sometimes I think it’s a good thing, is it right to dig up something so far in the past? And other times I think it’s a bad thing, may be one day I’ll decided to become the protagonist rather than the victim. Time will tell.

Got up and took the coffee machine apart. Fixed the water sensor for the moment, it may well die again, but at least I know how to take it apart now. Then moved on to doing the ‘annual clean’ of the larder. Filled two black bags full of expired crap. Walked Sasha and then headed to Staverton. We lifted about forty-five minutes before sunset and headed south. It was rather cloudy but we climbed above the inversion. The view was absolutely stunning. I felt somewhat closer to god all of a sudden, that’s the second time in one day, we need to stop meeting like this.

Drove home and then cleaned out both the fridge and the freezer, and I mean cleaned, stripped right down to bugger all and disinfected. Then I sterilised forty bottles. Didn’t get round to doing the actual transfer or bottling, one for tomorrow.

So providing I get through the night without dying, I have lots of wine to bottle and my tax return to do. Will also tidy up my office somewhat, as that’s turning into a tip.

Had an email from my friend Carl, who will be in Bristol next week, so we will meet up for food and gossip.

I like my new shoes.

Last few days have mainly been about catching up on sleep. I’ve had some wonderful depressive peeks and troughs that have taken me from below ground to above the clouds, I have to admire my brain sometimes, it’s the joys of having a week off work. Mother came round for dinner yesterday, I’ve spent far too much time walking the dog (I think I’ve clocked up over eight hours last few days). Went to the mother-in-laws this evening and had Christmas Dinner No.2 I’m going to be as fat as a house by the end of the week. Had some fun presents and finally, my very own palm tree. I’ve stuck it in front of the car at the moment, hope no shit head pinches it. Feeling very tired again, that’s looking forward to work again that is. I’ve really got fuck all done so far this week, so may try and do something vaguely constructive tomorrow.

Christmas started very early, no idea why. Had breakfast at about 7:30. Was out with the dog before 10. We finally sat down and opened presents, Hanson CD got the annual outing. I had a number of fun things, including a model V8 engine which will no doubt torment me on assembly. Got picked up by mother and went to my sisters for lunch. Much fun and merriment was had. Dinner was wonderful, cooked by the brother-in-law. Mother was mother. Came back and fed the dogs, then went back there in the evening, played some pool and some games. George Michael then died (this was not based on any of our activity), there’s still a few days for some other celebs to pop off yet.

Went to bed very early last night. Was hoping to watch ‘Dickenson’s Real Deal’ but it wasn’t available on ITV Player, so just turned the light out and went to sleep instead. Woke up bright an early with a headache, the joys of not drinking for eleven days. Had coffee and breakfast and that soon sorted everything out. I was still in the spare room due to the ‘stomach and flu ward’ occurring in the master bedroom. Walked Sasha, we went on a bit of jolly for a couple of hours. Had lunch and then headed into town, it was dead, like a ghost town all the way down Whiteladies Road. Central was busier. Did the accounts. Drank wine. Time for nibbles.

Woke up in the spare room after a great nights sleep. Jamie had gone to work many hours earlier, plus he sounds like a train and I can’t be dealing with that. Cracked on with work, nice and quiet today. Okay, I didn’t stress myself out it must be said. Sorted a couple of little bits and had a little tweaky play around. Walked Sasha. There was a storm passing over but to be honest it didn’t seem to have much of an impact here. Walked to the gym, did the final Pump of the year, picked up a paper and walked home. Cracked open the wine. Added stabiliser to my second batch of Chenin Blanc. I think I’m destined to another night by myself in the spare room.

Slept well last night, still in the spare room as Jamie starts work at 2AM plus he has a permanent cold from January 1st to December 31st, it just annoys the fuck out of me how anyway can be that unhealthy. I get a cold roughly once every two to three years and then its usually fairly mild. There are easy ways to prevent colds, just a matter of taking the right drugs at the right times. Finished my first pass HDR implementation on one console, start on the other one tomorrow. Did plan on taking Sasha for a long work, then it started raining. Went for a run this evening. Found the Pokemon Go app has been updated, now supports the Apple Watch, will give it a try tomorrow.

Slept pretty much okay I think. Started on time. Yet another day on console HDR. It really doesn’t want to play well with colour cubes. Walked Sasha. Walked to the gym, did Pump, walked home. Did the shopping list. Sat down and picked a lock. It’s surprising what bilge you can pick up from Amazon.

Went to bed quite late last night, in the spare room again due to Jamie’s weird shifts. Read for a while and actually slept reasonably well. Today was all still on HDR. Have less issues to sort now but still quite a few, it’s certainly beginning to drag on a bit. Walked Sasha. Popped out this evening as I had a few bits to do. Went for a run. Lots more telly catchup.