Category Archives: Rant

I’m going to ride you like a double decker bendy bus

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Last nights curry was a great success. Well it was for me, Jamie kept complaining that it was too hot and it spoilt it. It only contained twelve red birds eye chilli’s and four teaspoons of chilli powder. Lightweight.

So this morning started off with a piss for me and Sasha, I then watched the X-Factor on the iPad. Then after discovering that Jamie was vaguely in the mood, I woo’d him by touching his nipple once then sticking my finger in his ear. That’s quite advanced foreplay for me. I then said the magic words ‘I’m going to ride you like a double decker bendy bus’, unblocked the lube bottle where it had solidified with lack of use then did the business. Three minutes later it was time to get up and unblock a drain of a different kind.

I have a new gadget for my pressure washer, it’s a backwards firing jet attachment. Kind of a real man’s version of a douche. I’d like to try it on Jamie’s arse, it would strip back layers dating to the Jurassic period. Anyway, started on drain, it’s very good but still took the best part of four hours to completely unblock about six meters of drain pipe. But you could pour champagne down it (and drink it) after I’d finished. I also took the U-bend off the sink and cleaned out all the crap from that as well. The sink now drains faster than my mothers bank account.

Then on to the second job of the day, which was the pump overrun cable for the new boiler, about half an hour pissing about getting the cable from the airing cupboard to the kitchen and the rest was pretty straightforward. I’ve added a new junction box and wired most of it in. In fact I wired it all in so I could produce a circuit diagram and test it all, only so I could disconnect it again to get the electrician to do the exact same task just because I require a bit of paperwork. Still, I’ll get Paul to do it, he has to make three connections and probably drink about four cups of coffee. Still at least I know he won’t rip me off.

I tidied up the bin collection and got rid of two bins, one with a broken lid that was fifteen years old and a rusty one which wasn’t. I’m now left with the Brabantia and some space. Which is ideal as I can now fill it with shoes.

So this evening I plan on having a bath, watching the X-Factor results and then watching the very last Grand Prix of the season. It’s actually all gone down to the wire so quite looking forward to this one, if I’m not completely pissed by then. Hey, I worked bloody hard today. And it’s fasting day tomorrow. Still if I’m not losing any weight I can always do a colonic using my drain gadget….

So the beer fridge costs £17 a year to run

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So it was back on to the mobile game (as yet still undisclosed title, well I know what it is, and it’s quite a big one). Sorted out a few issues with quad trees that I’d over looked and fed them back into the audio lib. Then sorted out some AI issues, probably another couple of days of work for me to put into it. Until the next 40 page game play report arrives.

Jamie was off today so didn’t get out of bed until I came back from taking the dog for a walk, which was the middle of the afternoon. Had an email from ‘Heatteam’, who apologised for being complete cocks and said they can book me into a Saturday when I’m busy. They can come on the 1st of November and then quite frankly fuck off, I’ll cancel the contract as it’s far cheaper elsewhere. I’m tempted to just get the boiler changed as it’s 18 years old and unlike most 18 year olds, this ones a bit of a munter. Any one any boiler fitters who don’t take the piss? I don’t want a power flush or a magnaclense, just change the fucking boiler and vanish.

Went to the gym, ran for seventy minutes. Ate salad. Now watching the choir thing with Gareth Malone. I think if I met him I’d have to punch him first then buy him a beer. It’s torture porn night.

Oh, I’ve now got this gadget which plugs in and measures power usage, so I’m going to measure everything and produce a spread sheet. So far the beer fridge has been measured and costs about 17 quid a year. I’ll live with that. The wine fridge is up next, anything under a hundred and that stays. If Jamie consumes more than a fiver he will have to go. Also need someone who tiles bathrooms.

BDRThermea and Domestic and General, today’s people who’ve pissed me off

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Started with upgrading Perforce integration, and for once it worked and didn’t cause major problems. Then it was events, not the gig kind but the trigger-able kind. So added time outs and manual resets to them. For once the POSIX version wasn’t too much of a pain in the ass, but iOS of course has to be awkward so that had to convert from micro seconds to nano seconds just for the fun of it. Still all worked in the end. So made all my command queues use events, that all worked fine. Then had to do some header stripping and odd things to do with compiling without codec’s. Fixed a couple of odd bugs.

Had a phone call from Domestic and General from a person I could barely understand, asking me to contact BDRThermea about my complain about the boiler servicing. So he gave me the email address, to which I’ve now forwarded. I’m none to thrilled as Domestic and General being their agent they should really sort the problem out. So looking forward to a small war on that one.

Went to gym quite late so only did fifty four minutes. Walked the dog (that was lunch time, but who said anything about this ever being chronological). Now I’m finishing work at about eleven thirty so must be time for salad. More fun things to work on tomorrow.

Android and Eclipse, you are wank

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So today’s challenge was to get the Android dev back up and running. Problem being last time I installed it was over a year ago so everything has moved on a bit in terms of version numbers. Android NDK was fine, Cygwin wanted to install about 45 gigs of crap including Apache so that needed a good talking to. Then Eclipse, what a pile of wank. All it ever does is want to restart and clean and build and clean and build and still come up with countless errors. By the end of the day I did manage to get it all to build. Well got it to build Beaver, then eventually got it to build the audio test example. Found a couple of Android specific bugs in it so finally got that sorted. Did find I need to do a couple of extras though to properly compile out the codecs if required.

We can apparently start on the mobile game we were doing again, I got as far as making it compile with the current libs. I guess I better get on with that at some point.

Walked the dog. Went to the gym, ran for sixty eight minutes. Bought cheese, ate cheese, also bought crackers. Had salad, may have crackers, may not.

And don’t talk to me about cleaners….lets just say that’s another one gone before even starting, that must be a new record.

The women on the phone sounded as sorry as Hitler

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This morning was rudely interrupted by a phone call from the Baxi boiler women to tell me that she was cancelling the service call again, as the engineer who was coming to me last week no longer works for the company and no one told her, she sounded as sorry as Hitler. I wrote a fun email to Domestic and General. They will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Then on to work (after the first poo of the day). Today was all about networking, this is the tcp/ip kind, not the kind where you go to an uninteresting soiree with canopies and cheap sparkling wine, while the hostess is talking about how ‘plastics are going to be big’, while your busy staring down her cleavage. The task was quite simple, get a 360 to route all it’s traffic via a vpn. The solution however was far from simple. First as we have two vpn’s, one that works and another one which works on occasion. The one which works is a Cisco vpn client, unfortunately it isn’t compatible with internet connection sharing. So you have to connect Cisco vpn, then other vpn, then enable connection sharing, then hack the registry so it gives you an IP the same as your existing subnet, then block UDP port 67 to stop every other machine on your network trying to use it as a dhcp server. Then finally you can manually add all the routes in, which can only be done by destination.

Anyway on to bowels. So started taking this colon cleansing stuff. It makes your stomach feel a bit like a pressurised Soda Stream. The force of feces coming out of my arse and hitting the pan would make Felix Baumgartner hitting the deck without a parachute seem insignificant. I have a feeling that I could now eat a pea, wait ten seconds for it to regurgitate around the particle accelerator, then fire out my bum like a cannon. Anyway, on it for seven days, so should hopefully be ’empty’ by then.

I then get a text message from ‘Heat Team’ to rate their service. 1-poor 5-excellent. It sent me a text message back saying that it didn’t recognise ‘fucking shit’ and it also didn’t allow negative numbers, so had to settle with a ‘1’.

New cleaner says she can no longer do it as she can’t get child care. So on the search for yet another cleaner.

Went to gym, ran for 64 minutes. Now time for salad. Still no cheese.

Cushions on wooden seats, no

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Watched this last night, very good “The Cabin In The Woods”

I’ve been offered some orange cushions for my wooden chairs from the mother in law, it’s a nice gesture. Now, there are two things that irritate me in life (actually there are about 470), one is people who wear socks with sandals, the other is cushions tied on to wooden chairs. I blame my Aunty, she used to made gravy with OXO cubes. She had wooden chairs with cushions tied to them, for some reason always hated the bloody things, that hasn’t changed now. I want to encourage piles.

So spent the morning battling with iOS to save out ID3 tags to IMA/M4A files. After some irritating fun with mutable dictionaries I got it going. Added a couple of other iOS specific things for speaker routing. Ordered Jamie’s birthday presents, joys of internet. Put an add for a cleaner on myhammer. Walked the dog. Went to the gym and ran for an hour.

pfSense needed rebooting, first time in thirty days. The web interface ground to a halt after WAN 1 went down. That’s thirty days without me moaning about it. Now it seems to be working fine but accessing the hard drive a bit excessively. Need to keep an eye on it.

Now watching bollocks television. May go for a film, I fancy some cake.

Darwin had the right idea

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Today I started doing battle with iOS and XCode again, thankfully my colleague knew what the problem was so managed to produce test flight builds again, although I can’t add any new devices without cocking the whole key chain thing up, so I’ll avoid that if possible.

Then it was on to some PS3 work, well an SDK update, which basically means lots of downloading, building installers and hanging around for compiles, it’s a pretty brain dead activity, but I was having a pretty brain dead kind of day.

Met ugly fat bitch with abusive husband again while out walking dog (this time without husband, as he was probably back inside due to his asbo). By god she’s got a gob like a fog horn, this time her dog was off attacking someone else’s while her teenage daughter was stood in the middle of the path blocking it’s entirety with her hips while texting. There must be something to be said about removing these peoples benefits and then praying for a harsh winter, natural selection can then do it’s thing. Mind you there would then be certain parts of the country like ghost towns.

Cleaner hasn’t turned up in ages, I’m now up to me knees in dog hair. Jamie refuses to put anything into dishwasher or wash anything. He thinks if he just leaves stuff out it will magically be put away. It won’t. I can go all week with one cup, one knife and one t-shirt, so I’ll always win that battle.

Here’s my trip adviser review of the WOW Bodrum Resort

Went to gym, ran, unexciting. Played with dog. Now it’s time for salad and the Singapore GP (Yes, I’m still getting through it). Then I must carry on with that rather gruesome film I was watching in bed, and I don’t mean Jamie sleeping.

You don’t need a 4×4 you want a boat

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The morning started off fairly dull. Made it to work on time, that’s only because the dog wasn’t here to be fed. Picked up a couple of emails but nothing urgent requiring my immediate attention. So spent the bulk of the morning working on iOS stuff. Apple are determined to make a fairly simple job, fairly traumatic.

Lunchtime, needed to do the shopping. First time I’ve shopped in Tesco at that time for years, never again. It was full of young mothers who wouldn’t move and old people who couldn’t fucking move. Sorry but why do you have to stare at a pile of noodles for so fucking long? Are you seeing the Virgin Mary in pasta? Pick them up, shove them in your trolly and fuck off out of my way.

So, unpacked the shopping, had lunch and got back to work. Later it was time to pick the dog up. Now, we’ve had a little bit of rain yesterday, going down the back route I was suddenly confronted by a field full of water and lots of drivers in 4×4’s looking smug. Then I saw white van man come corr-erring round the corner and aqua planing into the field. After I finished laughing I decided to turn round and find a different route. Still, several times I was up over the radiator in water. Finally got to the kennels, picked up dog, she appeared to have eaten through her harness which means they left her in it for too long when I dropped her off. They did bath her, but I think it’s time to find a new kennel, they are very expensive and a pain to get to.

Came back home, back to work. Went to gym. New Body Combat, this one’s pretty good. Came home, did work. iOS still continues to be an ass and won’t work properly on TestFlight. Had salad and I’m now back to the Singapore GP qualifying. Feeling quite tired so may head for an early night. Must eat a banana.

Apparently I need to wind my fucking lead in….

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So day started off oddly with a bit of a hangover which is strange as I never usually get that on white. Perhaps it was the shock of the Spa Grand Prix actually being worth watching.

Anyway, worked through a couple of mobile bugs, that game finally coming to an end (well almost). Had two coffee’s in the morning rather than one, things must have been bad…they were about to get worse.

Took Sasha out after making lunch. During our trip through the nature reserve we came across a bloke and his misses, complete with pram and sprog. They had some small dog, off it’s lead, diving in and out the river. We got past them as Sasha was on full pull mode, their dog jumped out in front of Sasha and started winding her up jumping around. I was pulling Sasha away, but she wasn’t doing harm, just wanting to play. Then Mr. 6ft tall built like a shit-house calls out, “Are you fucking thick or something, wind your lead in.”, which is a bit odd when his dog was yapping at mine. Shortly followed by, “And keep him away from my kiddie or I’ll fucking floor you.”. I turned round glared and just carried on walking…..Now this in itself is quite unusual for me and I’m somewhat very hot headed and can fly off the handle in an instant. Perhaps in my formative years I would have called out, “At least my dog’s on a lead and I didn’t decided to marry it.” Or some other witty comment.

I did warn fellow walkers further down that an idiot and his clan were on their way.

Now, he can physically attack me all he wants, all I’ll end up is a few broken ribs and a bit of a headache and will enjoy prosecuting him for a few months. But if he ever attacks my dog, then his worst possible nightmare will come true and that’s an absolute guaranteed promise.

It’s good to see the world is full of nice people still.

Now, I think I’ll hit that wine again (I’ve been a good boy and been to the gym). May be going to London tomorrow, not really in the mood, but does give me a chance to catch up on some telly on the train.

freeBSD PXE wake on lan, arse

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Ok, so I spent the bulk of the day stripping crap out of that MP4 file lib again. Fixed up a couple of mobile issues.

Walked dog, went to gym, ran lots.

So, back to UPS plan, set up a remote client, enabled in firewall, installed NUT on pfSense box and set it up to connect to server. Surprisingly worked first time. Next task was the wake on lan, installed etherwake, a few bios twiddles and boom, powered up the machine. So I thought I was home and dry, except it was sat on the boot screen, trying to boot from the bloody network. I thought this was a problem with the Intel NIC cards that have PXE boot built in, so installed some Intel prog on a USB stick and disabled the flash on the Intel NIC’s. Then it still tried to boot from PXE. Turns out that this appears to be part of the freeBSD loader. So it now looks like I need to replace the loader. Oh the joyous fun. One step closer, three steps back.

On to bowel news, things returning to normal, only about three times today. So hopefully crack the boot problem tomorrow….