So it took many years from my original post on ‘Shipping’(November 2013) for it finally to become a reality. If you’re not in the YouTube era then Dan Howell and Phil Lester are both YouTubers, known as DanIsNotOnFire and Amazingphil. Years ago I suspected they were closeted gays, and years later they both came out. They haven’t really said they are in a relationship together, but hey, they’ve been living together for over ten years. Only mystery there is are they both versatile?

So that was expected. But Friday, king of the sofa, silver fox, Mr. Philip Schofield came out as gay. He has been married 27 years and has two grown up daughters. It was somewhat a shock. But all the best to him. I’m sure his wife is very supportive and they still love each other dearly. It will be interesting to see how his relationship pans out and how long it will take before some tabloid tattle haunts him down. I doubt he will ever enter into a ‘gay’ relationship as sadly the world currently just won’t let him. I mean, I hardly expect he’s going to dive down some backstreet sauna and try and insert Gordon the gopher into a leather daddy, but then again I can not see him on long country walks holding hands with Stephen Fry either.

We live in interesting times. Wonder if Sarah Green is going to announce she’s a lesbian? And don’t get me started on Noel Edmonds…..

So thirty minutes before the UK leaves the EU. The referendum in 2016 is now being carried out. Boris is in charge, I hope the trust in him pays off.

‘They’ say, never discuss religion or politics. I have a feeling I will be discussing one of them very soon.

I’ve moved the test PC to the office from the lounge, mainly as I want the lounge for watching telly and chilling not experimenting with Ubuntu servers. Also, there are usually several points in my work day where my work PC won’t even except text, so having something to twiddle with is useful.

So I now have latest version of Ubuntu LTS setup on it, and I’ve slowly been restoring my old server config. It’s now at a point where mySQL all works and WordPress fires up. What I did find though was clicking on any links caused 404 errors. Now I found out I had to edit several things in the sql database so it did the links differently, otherwise the DNS would be wrong and the server currently has no net connection, its just connected to a dummy router and an old laptop. I edited several things so instead of a name, its using an internal IP. This was now generating the correct lookups but was still failing with 404’s. So after much Googling I found that you have to explicitly enable mod_write on Apache2. After I did this everything magically started working. I’m now debating how much of the other stuff I had to edit in the first place.

The plan is to get the server up and running standalone with everything working. If I can do this in the next couple of months I then hope to upgrade the actual server over Easter. I’m making very careful notes every step of the way. Once this one is working (as in web server and mail), I’ll delete it down again and do it once more to make sure all my notes are correct.

It will be an interesting journey. After all this is why this blog exists in the first place, it always was setup as a challenge to setup and configure a Ubuntu server. Never did I envisage back in 2012 that I would be sat here in 2020 thinking, ‘I really must upgrade the kernel’. Hopefully if I make decent notes this time, I won’t be in the same position in eight years time….

So back to work today, joy. But I’ve now got a name for my new business, I just have around eight years to get it gently off the ground.

Spent the evening in Ubuntu land again. Getting closer, managed to restore and upgrade the mysql database and word press actually managed to link to it. Php admin also seems to work. There are a number of issues though, SSL isn’t working, links don’t appear to be working, although the data is there. And more alarming, on the current server if you connect via https then none of the links work, so something has been buggered there for about ten years. So lots to fix, lots to work on and therefore lots to learn. At least now I’m making constant notes of every step that works, and crossing out all the ones that don’t. It will be an interesting journey, one which I’m sure will take me a few months of Monday evenings yet.

So it’s probably been ten years since I’ve dug my skateboard out, but as one of this years challenges is to perfect the ollie, I better get on with it, and so I did. It only took about half an hour to regain my balance and I was zooming across the kitchen, frightening the shit out of the dogs.

Weather was finally dry enough to finish painting the fence, neighbour now happy.

Three-quarters the way through my current course, going well. It was nice to get back to normality and back to the gym. Christmas tree has been defrocked and reduced to just a ‘tree’. I’ll keep it indoors until it gets warmer.

Looking forward to this year, it’s going to be a year of challenges, a year of adventure.

I guess I’m now in a very unique position. I’m able to restart my life from a financially stable point of view and do anything I want. Did I really want this? Well, actually no. It’s been kind of forced upon me, but it is what it is.

The last two and a half years have been pretty much hell, from the depths or depression, to sudden moments of complete euphoria. From constantly wanting to die and the next moment wanting to live. But now, it’s all over. One person who was part of my life for near enough fourteen years I never have to speak to again, it’s all in the past tense. And now there is only the future.

So what have I learnt in the past twelve months? Well, I’m still sexually attractive to twinks, they like to call me daddy, I have no problem with that. I’m creative, no really I am, I started out the year wanting to make just one tune, by the end of the year I actually managed ten. I’ve now started collaborating with my nephew on some new material. I helped my friend achieve her goal of walking twenty-six miles.

So what do I want to achieve this year? Well, more music that’s for sure, wether it’s solo or collaborative I don’t really know, other than I want to write more tunes. I want to build an ‘exit strategy’, not for ending life, but for ending work. I want to retire and do something I want to do. I want to kick off my mixing and mastering services, as I can see this as a job I want to retire into.

I want to drink less. Actually, to be correct, I want to drink less often. Also I need to catch up on a ton of magazines I haven’t read, so hopefully I can combine these two goals.

Relationships? Nah, I think I’m done on that one for the time being. I’m going to remove myself from all the dating sites. If something happens elsewhere, then it happens, but I’m not going hunting in the near future.

I think I have to set myself a couple of physical goals as well. So learn how to do an ollie and pull off a manual. If I manage that without breaking anything, then that indeed will be a minor miracle.

Also I need to update this server to a more modern version of Ubuntu. After all, this was how this was al started.

So I’ve now been on my own again for just over two years. Well, not entirely on my own, I have the two dogs and three (will be two very shortly) lizards. Is it lonely? Well, no not really. If anything I’m busier than ever. I’m out socially three times a week, every week, with great friends who’ve been really there for me. I met them through ‘Pokemon Go’, if it wasn’t for that stupid game I don’t think I’d be here now.

So out three evenings a week, at the gym two evenings, one of them I also do my cleaning. The only time I do get to myself is one evening a week and part of the weekend. So I don’t really exactly have time for any kind of relationship, even if I wanted one, which I’m not entirely sure I do anymore.

I’ve had two one term relationships, last one lasted twelve years. We had a lot of fun, while it lasted, visited a lot of places had some good times. But now Jesus has taken over that one so that’s the end of it.

What do I miss? Oddly not much, that sounds bitter, but really it is true. I miss the companionship sometimes, but I’ve always been a bit of a loner anyway, always enjoyed just doing my own thing. I also don’t miss having to continuously clean up after someone, not have to hunt for stolen remote controls and hidden utensils.

What do I do with my one evening a week? Well, I try and do music things. It’s the first creative hobby I’ve really ever had, and I’m really enjoying it. From mixing and mastering other peoples work to writing my own music, it’s great fun, it’s something I think I now want to progress as a future career.

Basically I have a fun social life, great hobbies and now all the paperwork is settled, no immediate worries. I’ve got sex on tap with Grindr (one for another post). I’ve had two dates, to be honest I just didn’t fancy either of them. It was nice to have a meal eat, or even watch a movie in, but I didn’t feel like I wanted to shack up with them or have any kind of relationship.

I’m on three dating sites, but to be honest I’m just not bothered anymore. I think I’m actually happy where I am, plus its nice having the whole couch to yourself, okay, a third, Dillon the dog likes to spread out….

So back to some form of normality. No more worries, I guess.

So lets think about this. If you have one person who believes in something and then another one, and then a few more, you are then known as a cult. But at what point does it go from being a niece product to being a religion? A hundred people, a thousand, ten thousand? Or is it time based? If you believe something for long enough then it becomes an acceptable religion and also tax deductible.

It’s interesting to see that Christianity is dyeing out in the western world, but they are gaining followers in emerging countries, is this because westerners are becoming wise? If you want to gain power then first you take over the weak.

And lets not forget the branch that think Jesus took a Ryan Air flight to Utah.

I did the Alpha course, surprising may be. Hmmm, need to discuss that in more detail I think.

While I was on holiday a piece of paper turned up. Fairly ordinary looking but contains the signature of a judge. This is the final piece of paperwork. That brings to a close around twenty-seven months of turmoil. One signature.

It took a couple of days to actually settle in. But today, while out walking the dogs, in the rain, the sun finally rose. It’s all over. About 90% of my anxiety suddenly lifted.

If we’d actually waited for two years to be separated we would have only started proceedings about three weeks ago. Thankfully, ‘finding God’, is perfectly good grounds for ‘unreasonable behaviour’. I think I made the right decision at the time and to be honest I don’t think he regrets it either as its allowed us both to eventually move on far quicker. I can’t imagine now waiting almost another year, possibly longer, for due process.

There is still some potentially unfinished business. But for the moment I’ll just let it lie. After all you never know when it’s going to be raining again.