This morning was rudely interrupted by a phone call from the Baxi boiler women to tell me that she was cancelling the service call again, as the engineer who was coming to me last week no longer works for the company and no one told her, she sounded as sorry as Hitler. I wrote a fun email to Domestic and General. They will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Then on to work (after the first poo of the day). Today was all about networking, this is the tcp/ip kind, not the kind where you go to an uninteresting soiree with canopies and cheap sparkling wine, while the hostess is talking about how ‘plastics are going to be big’, while your busy staring down her cleavage. The task was quite simple, get a 360 to route all it’s traffic via a vpn. The solution however was far from simple. First as we have two vpn’s, one that works and another one which works on occasion. The one which works is a Cisco vpn client, unfortunately it isn’t compatible with internet connection sharing. So you have to connect Cisco vpn, then other vpn, then enable connection sharing, then hack the registry so it gives you an IP the same as your existing subnet, then block UDP port 67 to stop every other machine on your network trying to use it as a dhcp server. Then finally you can manually add all the routes in, which can only be done by destination.

Anyway on to bowels. So started taking this colon cleansing stuff. It makes your stomach feel a bit like a pressurised Soda Stream. The force of feces coming out of my arse and hitting the pan would make Felix Baumgartner hitting the deck without a parachute seem insignificant. I have a feeling that I could now eat a pea, wait ten seconds for it to regurgitate around the particle accelerator, then fire out my bum like a cannon. Anyway, on it for seven days, so should hopefully be ’empty’ by then.

I then get a text message from ‘Heat Team’ to rate their service. 1-poor 5-excellent. It sent me a text message back saying that it didn’t recognise ‘fucking shit’ and it also didn’t allow negative numbers, so had to settle with a ‘1’.

New cleaner says she can no longer do it as she can’t get child care. So on the search for yet another cleaner.

Went to gym, ran for 64 minutes. Now time for salad. Still no cheese.